The Ukraine Invasion Did Not Take Place
I mean, this probably isn’t THAT new to a lot of you - you probably either bought a presale or downloaded it off libgen, either of which i’m happy about - but, like all our stuff, if I don’t post it now I will postpone doing so indefinitely until it’s WAY too late.
The central thesis of this essay appears to be directly contradicted by the facts.
I mean, there probably is some sort of ‘war’ happening right now. Maybe not. If I asked Twitter, it might say that the Ukrainians are like the Avengers and Putin is - uh - Hitler. And Russia is losing, by the way. Still, this is rooted in fantasy - albeit an immature illusion for the horrors of war. If I asked CNN, it would say that we should be prepared to do the patriotic thing and pay for this war from our own pockets. It would suggest that you watch this Tiktok teen tour through a damaged Kiev.
I mean it, this is front page news.
If there was a nuclear holocaust on the horizon, you’d think they’d pause the culture war for a moment. I see images from video games posted as proof-of-war. Video of what appears to be a bombing is from Ukraine, yes - but from the Euromaiden in 2014. The world is on fire - or was - or will be. It doesn’t matter, anyways. Experts say that the Arctic will be ice-free by 2014… there is always some apocalypse around the corner - or just behind us. The timeline is already losing interest with the Ukraine invasion - it’s impossible to get a photograph of these good guy soldiers without someone wearing a black sun patch. We’re moving on to hyperinflation for the new horror-ofthe-moment. Maybe we’ll strike gold with these bioweapon labs and we’ll get another round of germaphobia at the end of the month.
As I finish this edit, I can’t help but wonder if this war will escalate and i’ll be stuck being wrong. I’m also wondering if I should send a copy to Tucker Carlson.
I do know one thing for sure: I can’t wait to see the infographics at the end of the world. This writing is, obviously, written using Baudrillard’s work as both a skeleton and a trampoline. One could argue that this book is merely a simulacra of the Gulf War edition. There has been no copy-and-pasting. This reworking has been retyped from a 1995 edition, similar to how Hunter S. Thompson would retype Hemingway “to know what it felt like to write a masterpiece.” All typos are mine and mine only.