Titles Ruin Everything

Yeah, this might be old news to some but… I forgot about ‘Substack’ because I tried to use ‘Threads’ which sucks somehow more than ‘Twitter’ which brings me back around to being ‘over’ all these ‘social media’ things except for the ‘lulz.’

Anyways, had to make fun of Drake’s poetry book somehow - not that I care about Drake, the man, but calling these fucking Instagram captions ‘poems’ makes me want some of that poetry money, too.

This bad boy is 77 pages of retarded mirrorgazing poems that would have been better suited as ‘quirky tweets that get five likes.’ There are a few lines that are directly lifted from Tucker Max’s 2006 magnum opus, ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’ - but now in convenient poem form!

Available here if you really need a physical copy (as the negative space really amplifies the poetry, if you ask me) or just download it (and everything else) here.

Oh yeah, lots of new shirts in the past few weeks. All are very good options if you’re looking to never get pussy again. I hate to shill but I wanna get on the road in the next few weeks and I don’t want to think about ‘online presence’ while i’m searching for Jesus billboards.